8 Ways To Love A Sasquatch This Weekend

seduced by bigfoot

To commemorate the grisly beating and slaying of the Roman Bishop Valentinus in AD 273, humans everywhere will exchange flowers and factory-produced treats this weekend.

When in Rome…” As they say.

To honor this holiday of yours, here are some practical ways you can Show Love For A Sasquatch tomorrow:

1. Compliment him loudly in the audience at a Kelly Link reading

Preferably during the awkward silence before it starts.

2. Donate to a literary Kickstarter in his name

Try the zine “We’ll Never Have Paris.” They’re 83 percent funded!

3. Leave a dead mouse on his doorstep

4. Spread this internet meme, #Chet

sasquatch meme

5. Use “squatch” as a verb in conversation

As in – I will squatch you on the morrow, mon ami.

6. Read my memoir and tweet your praises (@City_Sasquatch). Ignore the typos. Their arent that manie

7. Four words – artisanal bejeweled tobacco pipe

men smoking

8. These gloves

Perfect for sandwich preparation in sub-zero temperatures. Size 46 XXXXXL please.

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