To commemorate the grisly beating and slaying of the Roman Bishop Valentinus in AD 273, humans everywhere will exchange flowers and factory-produced treats this weekend.
“When in Rome…” As they say.
To honor this holiday of yours, here are some practical ways you can Show Love For A Sasquatch tomorrow:
1. Compliment him loudly in the audience at a Kelly Link reading
Preferably during the awkward silence before it starts.
2. Donate to a literary Kickstarter in his name
Try the zine “We’ll Never Have Paris.” They’re 83 percent funded!
3. Leave a dead mouse on his doorstep
4. Spread this internet meme, #Chet
5. Use “squatch” as a verb in conversation
As in – I will squatch you on the morrow, mon ami.
6. Read my memoir and tweet your praises (@City_Sasquatch). Ignore the typos. Their arent that manie
7. Four words – artisanal bejeweled tobacco pipe
8. These gloves
Perfect for sandwich preparation in sub-zero temperatures. Size 46 XXXXXL please.