meme

Look! A Meme!

Ernest-Hemingway-in-the-bath

A links roundup for insufferable information gatherers:

Via Dan Weiss’s Morning Coffee at The Rumpus, news that we might have a cloned woolly mammoth in the near to not-so-near future (if an unethical geneticist completes the hairy project at hand). Sounds like competition to me, humans. Join me in opposing such research! I call for a protest march at once.

Then, on the Ploughshares blog (via The Review Review), Tim Ellison bemoans the superficiality and short attention spans of tweeters, readers, writers, bloggers, and anyone else who likes pictures. I agree with Ellison. You scallywags! Stop looking at the brilliant meme above! You will regret it, you rapscallions!

 

 

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8 Ways To Love A Sasquatch This Weekend

seduced by bigfoot

To commemorate the grisly beating and slaying of the Roman Bishop Valentinus in AD 273, humans everywhere will exchange flowers and factory-produced treats this weekend.

When in Rome…” As they say.

To honor this holiday of yours, here are some practical ways you can Show Love For A Sasquatch tomorrow:

1. Compliment him loudly in the audience at a Kelly Link reading

Preferably during the awkward silence before it starts.

2. Donate to a literary Kickstarter in his name

Try the zine “We’ll Never Have Paris.” They’re 83 percent funded!

3. Leave a dead mouse on his doorstep

4. Spread this internet meme, #Chet

sasquatch meme

5. Use “squatch” as a verb in conversation

As in – I will squatch you on the morrow, mon ami.

6. Read my memoir and tweet your praises (@City_Sasquatch). Ignore the typos. Their arent that manie

7. Four words – artisanal bejeweled tobacco pipe

men smoking

8. These gloves

Perfect for sandwich preparation in sub-zero temperatures. Size 46 XXXXXL please.

Stuck On Reading With One Direction

one direction monitor

There comes a day when you realize turning the page is the best feeling in the world, because you realize there’s so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on.

-Zayn Malik, One Direction

I must admit, I’m not wholly certain of who exactly “One Direction” is, although I have an inkling. They appear to be a type of self-replicating, self-aware internet meme, perhaps a botched experiment of the experimental Russian cybercrime division. Some kind of artificially aware being that copies itself and survives because of its phenomenal ability to generate banal platitudes. The statements made by One Direction appear to be gender-based, but I cannot quite tell. Perhaps it is because I am not human.

But then again, neither is One Direction.