Guest List for Parties I Will Host When I’m Famous

A photo by Quentin Dr. unsplash.com/photos/gvm_Kmm3-9o

  • Lorin Stein and his entire family (including pets)
  • Teju Cole
  • Taro Gomi, author of Everybody Poops
  • Jack Nicholson
  • My running mate for President of the United States, a seagull
  • Bill Clinton
  • John McPhee
  • My cousin Earl
  • Lena Dunham, of Girls
  • Michael Cunningham
  • Ann Beattie 
  • Kanye West
  • This penguin, who wears a backpack full of fish
  • Marty, the Alaskan ranger from the program Mountain Men
  • The ghost of Truman Capote
  • Melvin, the man who stands on the corner outside the 24-hour deli

…and you! You can RSVP to be placed on the guest list @City_Sasquatch or at chetsasquatch@humanoid.net


Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s Magical Secret

garcia marquez castro

In this surprising admission from a former hitman of Pablo Escobar – one of the world’s most infamous drug lords – at one point during the height of the international cocaine trade, there existed some collusion between Escobar and that titan of magical realism, Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

The former hitman, known colloquially as “Popeye,” was recently released from a Colombian prison, where he had been exiled for over 20 years for narcotrafficking, on account of his “good behavior.” Once liberated, Popeye shared the salacious bit of literary gossip with the media. At one point in the story, he claims to have personally delivered a note from Escobar to Marquez, who then carried the message directly to Fidel Castro in Cuba.

And I thought my reputation was bad! This bodes well for yours truly. All those blurry photographs on the internet needn’t prevent my literary aspirations from being realized.