Christmas

Holidays Over? Buy A Writer Something Nice

Now that those irascible holidays are over (most of them), it’s time to take advantage of steep discounts, humans!

The Review Review has a wonderful article chock full of gift ideas for writers. Think of the writer who is dearest to your heart and peruse this list with them in mind. I can guarantee that the presents they received this year seemed to create in them an external glow, but on the inside, the charred edges of their souls were only curling and smoking like so many incinerated drafts of Vladimir Nabokov’s lost manuscripts. Life is so hard for the unfamous. Assuage their pain, won’t you? You can do your part today to indulge the fragile and tremulous ego of your friendly neighborhood scribbler.

You can forward my gifts directly to my P.O. Box in New York. Tweet me at @City_Sasquatch for contact information.

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Chet’s Xmas/Chanukah/Kwanzaa List

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Although I abstain from subscribing to one holiday over any other (I espouse multi-denominational inclusiveness in order to boost sales of my forthcoming memoir, Beautiful On The Outside), that is no reason I should be left out of the merry-making, is it? Do a good deed this holiday season and gift a sasquatch. My Most Wanted List proceeds as follows:

  • A typewriter, so that everyone can hear me when I create perfect sentences like this one
  • Homer’s Iliad, because I am basically the spitting image of Odysseus
  • New Vans size 27
  • An E-reader, so I can ask him or her how in the world 50 Shades of Gray ever became popular
  • Book contract
  • Sequel to first book contract
  • A Santa costume so I can scare – pardon me, entertain – people at the Union Square holiday market
  • Camoflage reading lamp
  • Ointment for my ghostwriter as I seem to be giving him hives
  • 472 lbs of bbq ribs
  • General adulation

Gift certificates and declarations of adulation may be forwarded to chetsasquatch@humanoid.net