My Popularity In The Polls Surges


…from 0.0001 to 0.0003!

There is no confirmation of the rumor going around that this bump in the polls stems from my name recognition demonstrated by a squirrel. For the record, I deny all allegations that I am a “flash in the pan,” “painfully unqualified,” or “a big, scary monster.”

The numbers don’t lie, ladies and gentlemen. Another reason for my surge in popularity might derive from a certain Msr. Donald Trump’s overexposure in the national media. This doesn’t matter to me in the least, as I don’t pander to competing candidates’ uninformed policies or declarations. As you all know, I am running based on my record – which consists almost entirely of evading intrepid nature photographers, scaring deer, and writing 1,143 drafts of my upcoming memoir, Beautiful On The Outside.

I’d like to thank my stalwart running mate, a seagull, for his unflagging support during this roller coaster of a campaign. Onward!



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s