Today, along with something called “Bed of Lies” (which sounds far less comfortable than a queen or king-sized feather mattress, or even a pile of leaves, really), the top trending items on the Twitter-scape are both related to one Msr. Nicholas Jonas, Esq (I cannot confirm that he is actually a JD or legal counsel, but assumed due to level of popularity, prestige, etc). One lively hashtag at the moment is #asknickj. Barring my complete lack of familiarity with this individual, I see that he is clearly regarded as an authority among other humans. That much is apparent. In that case, I must seize this moment to appeal to this Msr. Jonas for answers to some long-standing questions I have about humanity, human-kind, their civilization, the pirate hero Taylor Swift, etc. However, I must not “overshare,” as they say in gentlemen’s clubs. I must exercise strategery! Here is a list of potential questions I thought of this morning:
- What is a qualm?
- How do you get to know someone who won’t stop screaming?
- Can you explain cheese to me?
- Aren’t pants just shirts for your legs?
- Why is God just “dog” spelled backward? Was that intentional?
- On that note, why don’t dogs get to use toilets?
- Who exactly is in charge here?
- Would you like to box with me?
- I have a lot more questions. Can I have your phone number?
This might be my only opportunity to get answers! To be frank, dear reader, I have been reluctant to ask my ghostwriter such things, as I seem to be on his bad side lately. It might have something to do with the shedding. Or the thirty days of confusion prior to my discovery of indoor plumbing. All right, so it could be several things.
Which of these do you think I should ask Msr. Jonas?